I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
