It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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