I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
