so explain again why im purple
no
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
