Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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