textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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