i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
