her facebook's as public as her vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
