I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
