i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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