we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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