I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
