the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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