i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my poor anus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
