I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize