soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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