he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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