Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you would pick up someone in the library
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can you bring me the toilet please
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
