Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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