Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
