He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
