I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
