if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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