if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
