your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
