i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
