I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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