I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
