i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
