I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
