I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
