you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
