just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
another moral hangover. fuck.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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