can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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