the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
