I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
