my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
