all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
