but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
