Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
