It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
