mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
