rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
