Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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