Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
