she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
