what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize