Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
