I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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