And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
