Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
