Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
