Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
