Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And the cops told us we were all naked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
