dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
