swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
