He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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