I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
