I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
