My hand turned me down
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
