I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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