How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
