i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
