peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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