I must be too annoying 4 u.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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