just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
