Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
