So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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