I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
