imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
