whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
