Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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