Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
